I’m taking classes online this year. My life sucks is weird.
Today, I went to one of those haunted house tours where people in costumes jump out from behind corners and scare you. This man holding a chainsaw started yelling at me and I made weird noises, fell to the ground, and pretended to have a heart attack. He seemed confused, but he eventually put his chainsaw down and asked, “are you okay?” I responded with an evil grin, “yeah, just kidding, DID I SCARE YA?” He put the chainsaw back on and I ran away as fast as I could. MLIW
I am wearing boxers that read “nice ass”. My mum bought them for me. MLIW
Today in english class, I cried over a MLIW post. And no, they weren’t tears of sadness. MLIW
Today, every time my mom would tell me to clean, I’d interrupt her by saying “I’LL LET YOU FINISH, BUT I THINK BEYONCE HAS ONE OF THE BEST MUSIC VIDEOS…-” It distracted her enough to make her stop asking me to clean. MLIW
Today, before roaming the streets of my town, I made sure there was an equal amount of both blue and red in my clothes, because I forgot if the gangs around here are bloods or crips. Better safe than sorry. MLIW
“Today, I prank called the abortion clinic. This is a normal day for me. MLIW”
Today, I put glue all over my hands just so that I could peel it off when it dried. It was definitely the most satisfying part of my day. MLIW
Today, I evesdropped on my guinea pigs enjoying a light political debate about healthcare reform over a cup of coffee. I weighed in my two cents and we agreed that the Canadian healthcare system would be too much on our modern hospital infrastructure. MLIW
Today, my family agreed to move to Sudan to avoid property taxes. I’m stoked. MLIW
Today, I was caught masturbating by my grandmother, Ethel. She winked at me and asked if I needed a “hand”. I said yes. MLIW
Today, I graduated from Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts at the top of my class. I received a bachelors degree in Ostrich Studies and a masters in the study of mimohomosexuality (gay mimes) in history. MLIW
Today, I took 2 huge poops even though the toilet was clogged. They sat in the toilet all day, and I eventually named them Sasha and Malia. MLIW
Today, I was really bored in math class so I decided to doodle what I imagined it would look like if every student in my class and the teacher started having an orgy in the math room. People were 69ing all over the place. MLIW
